NY Times Article Claims Humans Stand No Chance Against Rats

A recent New York Times article reports that the Bloomberg administration has declared war on rats in New York City's subways.  Studies have shown that rats, which infest most of the subway stations in the city, reside within station walls, emerging from cracks in the tile to steal bits of food.  The trash rooms in subway stations especially act as a restaurant to feed hungry rats.  Unfortunately, efforts to kill rats with poison are often futile, as passing trains scatter the poison before rats can indulge.

Working against the administration is the fact that rats are no ordinary creatures.  The article classifies rats as agile mammals known to be "diabolically clever."  A former director of the city's Bureau of Pest Control Services says “They jump two feet from a running start; they can fall 40 feet onto a concrete slab and keep running.  We’re no match for them, as far as I’m concerned. Man does not stand no chance.”

While I have a healthy respect and love for our furry friends, this comment seems a bit dramatic (and grammatically incorrect).  We're talking about RATS here, not Spiderman.  Clearly the writer of this NY Times article, one Michael Grynbaum, is a closet rat lover like Laura and me, and should probably be extended an invitation to blog along with us.

An interesting fact mentioned in the article is that in 1976 an academic study concluded that “rats with high blood pressure should not ride the subways too often or too long: the stress of noise, vibration, and crowding may kill some of them before their time."  I have a lot to say about that sentence.  How was this study conducted?  Did they put rats on empty subway cars and see what happened?  And how did they determine that only the high blood pressure rats should not ride the subway?  And what was the purpose of this study?

My favorite part of the article is the slideshow and accompanying commentary. 

Tangentially related, yesterday I saw three rats crawl out of the trash room at the Canal Street subway station and scamper up the stairs.  They did so quickly and efficiently, when no humans were climbing the stairs, and all three were grossly obese, probably from the pu pu platter of delicacies they feasted on in the trash room.  Which led me to think, as I often do, that if I could get paid to watch rats all day in the subway, I'd quit my day job in a second.  Maybe it's about time I contacted the NY Times to see if they need any field reporters...

A Coat of Many Colors

Looking through the history books brings us this gem of a photo.

What is that Jack Russell-esque dog wearing? Why, a coat of rat skins!
And what does the man dangle above his faithful canine? A string of rat corpses tied together, of course!

This pup was probably a Rat Terrier, common on family farms in the 1920s and 1930s but now a rare breed. Brought to the United States by British immigrants, their claim to fame was their abilities in rat pit gambling. Despite their decline in popularity these days, you can still see vestiges of their popularity in the RCA trademark of a pup with his head to a gramophone... clearly a rat terrier!

Rat Tails of Human Hair and the Bonds of Friendship

The beaded, decorative "rat tails" of our early 90s youth...

...have evolved into something more disturbing, in certain circles.

Have you ever met someone with a rat tail?

Was it in the past decade?

Lauren and I have, and he was trying to date our beautiful friend.  He was a dirty urban hipster rat tail-er, trying to be ironic, one must suppose. Little did he know that even dirty urban hipsters must follow the unwritten girl logic that states a male, when trying to hook up with a girl, must suck up to her girl friends. 

Dirty urban hipster did not suck up to the Laurs, and in fact accused us of being elitist at the bar where we first met him. Lauren's well-intentioned story of trying to brainwash her officemate into expecting a vitamin every time her computer start-up noise chimed (Pavlovian dog-style) apparently hit a nerve with dirty urban hipster. He must have been bullied in middle school? I'm still not sure how our enjoyment of psychological experiments makes us "elitist," but our time of accepting Mr. Rat Tail was done, and we instead amused ourselves by making up a song, complete with hand gestures, about his wispy hair ornament.

Ode to a Rat Tail

Its nose is pink and shiny

It has a rat heinie

A RAT has a RAT TAIL

A RAT has a RAT TAIL

(Song is available on request in person.)

Our beautiful friend did not date Mr. Rat Tail.  Chicks over dicks. The end.

Rat archives

A quick google search of my gmail reveals that I discuss rats more than one might think (or maybe not, if you're my friend and recipient of one of my rat emails).  Here are some of my favorite excerpts:

Email to my friend Jen: And then I realized that I had to do something to sabotage the date before he asked me out again and I'd say yes just because I feel bad rejecting people.  So I turned to the one subject that has never failed me in the past - RATS!  I waxed poetic about rat diets, rat rib cages, even rat sex habits until he was staring at me like I had three heads.  He obviously hasn't called me again, and I'm pretty sure he calls me "rat girl" to his friends.

Email update to my friend Ross in Boston: Still love dogs, old people, rats, etc.  Haven't seen much Jesus TV now that I have real cable.  Saw a really big rat on the subway platform the other day, and was leaning over it with my blackberry trying to take a clear picture when I looked up and noticed EVERYONE on the entire subway platform was staring at me like I had leprosy.

Gchat to Moffatt: She sent me a picture of a drowned rat because she knew I'd like it

Email to Laura: Yesterday I was going to Columbus Circle after work for spin class, and I had to switch trains at 34th street.  As I came down the escalator to the B/D line, I spotted a GIANT rat scurrying around the tracks.  I quickly leapt off the escalator and stood right on the edge to watch.  The rat was collecting pieces of trash and then going under a grate to build a nest!  It was fascinating.  I heard an "a-HEM" behind me and I turned around and exclaimed "I KNOW!  He's building a nest!!!!  SO COOL!"  I then noticed that the woman who had made the noise was staring at me disgusted.  She was like, "um actually you butt right in front of me in line for the train."  I guess she didn't notice/care about the nest at all!  So I said "oh sorry, I'm doing research on rats and had to get a closer look at this specimen," which she seemed to buy.  How mortifying!

Email to Laura (with illustration provided): I show it to people ALL THE TIME and no one ever asks how I got so close to a snarling rat.  I always wonder why that's not their first question!