Email to my friend Jen: And then I realized that I had to do something to sabotage the date before he asked me out again and I'd say yes just because I feel bad rejecting people. So I turned to the one subject that has never failed me in the past - RATS! I waxed poetic about rat diets, rat rib cages, even rat sex habits until he was staring at me like I had three heads. He obviously hasn't called me again, and I'm pretty sure he calls me "rat girl" to his friends.
Email update to my friend Ross in Boston: Still love dogs, old people, rats, etc. Haven't seen much Jesus TV now that I have real cable. Saw a really big rat on the subway platform the other day, and was leaning over it with my blackberry trying to take a clear picture when I looked up and noticed EVERYONE on the entire subway platform was staring at me like I had leprosy.
Gchat to Moffatt: She sent me a picture of a drowned rat because she knew I'd like it
Email to Laura: Yesterday I was going to Columbus Circle after work for spin class, and I had to switch trains at 34th street. As I came down the escalator to the B/D line, I spotted a GIANT rat scurrying around the tracks. I quickly leapt off the escalator and stood right on the edge to watch. The rat was collecting pieces of trash and then going under a grate to build a nest! It was fascinating. I heard an "a-HEM" behind me and I turned around and exclaimed "I KNOW! He's building a nest!!!! SO COOL!" I then noticed that the woman who had made the noise was staring at me disgusted. She was like, "um actually you butt right in front of me in line for the train." I guess she didn't notice/care about the nest at all! So I said "oh sorry, I'm doing research on rats and had to get a closer look at this specimen," which she seemed to buy. How mortifying!
Email to Laura (with illustration provided): I show it to people ALL THE TIME and no one ever asks how I got so close to a snarling rat. I always wonder why that's not their first question!
I had forgotten about your usage of rat stories to scare off an unwanted suitor! Very nicely done, Miss Cook.
ReplyDeleteI'm dying to know... who sent you the picture of the drowned rat because they knew you'd like it??
Believe it or not, it was Nora!
ReplyDeleteYou know that means people must have stared at Nora like she was a leper, too, as she snapped away at that drowned rat! HA! Our rat fascination is starting to affect others' lives!
ReplyDelete